11 months ago....

Another academic year over nearly over and time for reflection....I started the year wishing for it to be the previous year, where my entire year group were still together and i would get another additional year at school in the future years to come. 8 months later i still wish for that, but not as much, i know that a lot of things stayed the same, spending time with those that i love the most, still having to pull late nights/early mornings to finish essays etc. but this year i made new friends, a more optimistic approach with the years to come and learnt to work even harder than i've ever done before. The other day, i was in one of my exams, i finished writing half an hour early, with a headache and feeling drained, and thought to myself why do i bother putting myself through this, revising for exams, causing my stress and panic if i can't remember a certain quote or sociologist, but then i thought what else do i have? i haven't even got a part time job, or a specific career in mind right now. And right now, when i get out of this exam, i'll have the people that help me enjoy education waiting right outside the door. I have amazing friends who i could not live without and the best teacher you could ever wish for, who means so much more than just a teacher to me, as they provides me with 'hidden' support, advice and inspires me each and everyday without even knowing it.

You go through school everyday wishing 3'oclock would hurry up faster and that the summer holiday would be just around the corner. But i found as i got older and older summer didn't seem fun anymore, it seemed like a period of time, where i would be without the people that i spend 5 days a week with, who provide me with love and never ending fun and happiness. I left compulsory education just under 11 months ago and it was one of the hardest things i have ever gone through, baring in mind that i was returning to the same school in just over 2 months time. 11 months ago i said goodbye to people i have not seen since, including people that were at one point seen as my bestfriend(s), in a way it saddens me that i didn't even take a year to pull us all apart but in another way it's shown me who i really love and want in my life, and has allowed me to appreciate those that i get to see everyday.

The memories of school will hopefully always be in my mind, because i really do believe that they are the best days of your life. School is were i learnt how to follow my heart instead of head and allowed me to put that theory into practice, on more than one occasion. School provided me with a great education which i can be proud of especially shown in my qualifications, it taught me that if i want something really badly, that me as an individual will have to work hard each day to achieve greatness, especially if i'm not naturally talented in that area or if it means a great deal to me. It helped show me that teachers only want the best for you, they share everything they know with you, to help you achieve your dreams and to provide a comfortable life for yourself. Most of all it taught me that if i want something really bad then i have to be persistent and be prepared to fail before i can achieve that greatness, as failure helps motivate and provide you with a drive to stop failure recurring in the future.

When i was waiting for my exam results last year, i reminded myself of this...."what ever is on that piece of paper doesn't change you as a person, it just determines whether your path to greatness is a smoother journey or requires you to work a little bit harder."

Do you ever feel that you love someone who doesn't love you back? I do. Everyday. I have done for the last 2 years. You try to be a better person who achieves high things and be the best possible version of yourself, but everything you do doesn't seem to ever be good enough, for them to tell you those three simple words. I love you.

I use those words every single day of my life, to show the appreciation i have for the people in my life who i think deserve to know that someone loves them. It's not everything to be told that you're loved but it gets to you when you don't hear it. Right now, i should be revising, working towards a future which is not yet determined and the path i take is not yet chosen. But once again, i struggle to have a clear head which isn't full of all these thoughts.

Today i discovered a song by Gary Go, it's called Wonderful. In the chorus the following line is said "say i am wonderful". I felt it just related well to what i'm feeling. And most likely what a lot of other people around the world are thinking.

Hopefully one day i'll get that "i love you" that i've been waiting for, if i don't then that's how it's meant to be....

Music!

As i sit here in the comfort of my own bed listening to my music collection that is itunes, i often wonder what the real message is behind certain songs....

For instance, a relatively new song sung by Sean Kingston featuring Justin Bieber, called Won't Stop....there's a specific rap in the song, which is sung by Justin Bieber himself, it goes....

"Yeah, they talk. Yeah, they talk. 
They don't walk the walk I walk. 
I won't stop, 'til I drop. 
Until then, I reach the top. 
I'ma rock to where I need to be. 
Walk the path of destiny. 
Definitely been neglected, but God is always testin' me. 
Rest in peace to all the men that died that were protecting me. Objectively, I need to tell you what just gets the best of me. 
Essentially, people in this world just wanna let it be. 
A lot of men ain't different though, just let it be. 
Set it free. 
Never be scared to make change, effectively. 
Always look at things from different ways, perspectively. 
Every person in this world can do good. 
I just want this message understood. 
Alright.. stop. 
Everybody's gotta listen make the decision to envision a better place with no division. 
Religion. 
Everybody needs a mission. Haters need to stop it, just listen."

The one line that really sticks out to me is "Rest in peace to all the men that died that were protecting me" - it just shows that even at the age of 17 (he may of been 16 when he wrote it) identifies what people do for their countries, they go out to war protecting their country and everything that is contained within it, their mothers, their fathers, their wives/husbands, their children. And for him to also respect that and present that respect in a song, i think really highlights what a great artist he is. Justin Bieber is the name that you will associate with either screaming girls or people saying "why are you listening to him?", i've been a huge fan for JB ever since he released his first music video "One Time", you could tell he had talent just from his voice, but then when you found out that he taught himself how to play the guitar and the drums and the piano and is great dancer you knew he was special. Not just the 'media' side of him is inspirational but also how he is a great role model, you often see him on Ellen DeGeneres show, doing something, whether it's giving his hair to charity or just surprising Ellen and the audience. I discovered today that there is the kid in Australia called Casey Heynes that had been bullied for pretty much his whole school life and one day he stuck up for himself and fought back, JB saw this and whilst touring in Australia wanted to meet Casey, so after briefly meeting Casey, he invited him and his family to one of his shows with VIP tickets and met him again were JB was talking to Casey's dad and sister about the video and the way JB interacted with his family, was just incredible, this is a kid that is barely 17 and is promoting anti-bulling throughout his tour and can talk to these people like he's known them for years and has been in this industry for all his 17 years and the end of the 'interview' Justin said how proud he was of Casey and asked him to go on stage briefly in the gig to help promote anti-bullying. This kid is an inspiration and should be proud of himself for all his life....I personally can't wait for what he releases and does next....

Another song that i think has a real message is Jessie J's Who You Are. This song speaks of nothing but inspiration, just like a lot of Jessie J's songs, but this one is a personal favourite. It tells its listeners to just be themselves and that even when times get tough and get to you, don't lose your true self because really that's all you have. Everything you are comes from deep within, your personality, the way you treat people, the way you want to be treated, everything. A line i adore is "It's ok not to be ok", often when your upset, you'll question why it is and whether it's acceptable to be feeling this way, but that quote is proof that even if you're down, it's perfectly acceptable, because we're all human, and certain things will have a negative effect on us and it's totally fine, because once you're over it you'll still be you!

There are so many songs out there that will inspire different people for different people, whether it's just a word or a line or a verse or a chorus, it still has an impact on your thoughts, which shows that music is doing its job. Songs are meant to have an impact on you, they'll be artists like Coldplay, Snow Patrol, Carolina Liar, Jackson Waters and Daughtry that i'll listen to when i'm angry or upset and they'll be artists like JLS, Rihanna, Britney Spears and Katy Perry that will really motivate me to do some productive that day. What i'm saying is everybody's music taste is varied, you just need to find the music that is suited to you and allow it to blow your mind, with it's inspire and hidden messages. An actress/singer called Karen David once said in a blog, "if the nerves are kicking in or you need that extra pick me up, why not try playing your favourite theme song in your head? Play it and play it LOUD"  - and she could not of been more right! 

Find you theme song and let it change your day....

9/11

On September 11th 2001, America experienced something that is near impossible to describe and to do so would not show it justice. America faced the destruction of the Twin Towers, the noble citizens on Flight 93 and the disfigurement of the Pentagon cause by a hijacked American Airlines Flight 77 plane. The result of every attack that occurred was significant amount of murder.

Today saw the brave actions made by Barack Obama to kill Osama Bin Laden finally conclude. Osama Bin Laden was responsible for the death of nearly 3000 innocent people across the world and the reason why family's were ripped apart, why children have had to grow up without their mother or father and why a small group of ordinary citizens with ordinary jobs on Flight 93, chose to sacrifice their own lives which belonged to them and their families, in order to save a mass amount of fellow citizens. The death of Osama Bin Laden is being described as justice, some how i don't see it as complete justice, he was responsible for loss of lives of many variations of people, whether it be by nationality, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, religion and race. He caused devastation in many homes across the world, he's the reason why September 11th will never be just a normal day, instead it will be a day where many individuals will have to remember what was taken away from them. Justice hasn't been done, but today has allowed it to be closer to it then it ever has been.

The bravery and selfless deed by the passengers on Flight 93, highlighted that even on a day that had already experienced tragedy cause by a small group of people, there were people who existed in the same country who were willing to give their lives for others. Their chance of survival was almost non existent no matter where the plane crashed, however, they still managed to be heros' in a time of desperation, their actions to challenge al-Qaeda meant that Flight 93 crashed in a deserted field, instead of land populated with citizens.

The moral story in all of this is, there may be people in the world that have different ideas and choose to use those ideas in order to create destruction among countries or towns or families, but in times of despair people will show who they really are, some people will become brave and fearless, some people will stand up for what they believe in and fight for their life, some people will run scared and pray that it disappears and some people will shock you and sacrifice their life in order to save anothers'.

If you had to risk your life for someone that you've never met before, who has never done anything to harm another life and would do the same for you in the same situation, would you? Would you feel it was reckless? Would you feel it would be the honourable and decent thing to do? Would you not even consider the idea of not even trying to save them? Or would you run?