365 days ago....

I "left school" 365 days ago. I was scared that nothing would ever live up to the life i was living then, and the life that i really enjoyed and was happy with, would never be the same again. I had everyone where i needed them to be and that was perfect. I was afraid that i would lose touch with those people who meant something to me, people who i felt i couldn't possibly live without. A year later i still have those same fears but they're towards leaving the school entirely. 365 days later and there are people who i haven't seen since, a lot of them didn't mean enough to me to warrant needing to see them and see where their life was at. But a few of them, i miss, but don't necessarily want in my life because they may have changed and i may have changed and that would ruin the memory of them. Sometimes how you remember that person is what you need, that person who they used to be and what you don't want is that person they turned out to be. There are things that i could of done differently and probably would do if i had the chance again. I would make sure that i made an effort to see people that went to sixth form with me even though they had a completely different timetable as me. But really i'm satisfied with how i've dealt with the transition and the choices i made. I know that sixth form will never be the same as school and i'm not trying to make it that way because that would ruin everything that made it so memorable and great. 

I would love to go back to 25th June 2010, and just relive this whole year because even though year 11 was the best year so far, i would love to have prom again (even though i was dreading it for years), and know that it will be great and memorable and get to enjoy the last time everyone got to be kids and together as a group just one more time. 

Overall i'm ok with being at sixth form, it's as close to school as it could be and i've still got the people who i loved the most and meant the most to me, still there with me.

School is not for everyone, but it was for me. I can honestly say it has changed me for the better, i believe the last few years, transformed me into a honest and respectful person which was a result of my school experience. My school will always hold a special place in my heart, especially the people there and will always be one of the best times in my life. 

"how is it that i finished school exactly a year ago today, time is going to fast, soon it will be 2 years time and i'm not ready to leave, i don't think i ever will be"

I've been struggling to write a new blog recently, just feeling like there isn't much else to write other than what i've already written but i think maybe i can do better with some of the stuff i've written about in the past.

There are many people in this world that inspire us. For example artists such as Michael Jackson personally for me, he just proves that an individual can have an insatiable voice but can dance just as great and in doing so he is still remembered to this day, as not just for his singing but for his dancing also. His dance moves are still integrated in new routines day in day out and will probably be for a long long time.

But celebrities like Michael Jackson are not the only ones that inspire me. Day to day i'm inspired by One Tree Hill, the beat and the lyrics in a song, films that follow that stereotype of a love story but still manage to have an impact on me, the power of words, words make or break a person. All our lives we tend to be waiting for that person to say the right words, "i love you" "i miss you" etc. But sometimes you have to take control of your life and if you feel strongly about someone then tell them. Because if you don't, you'll just find yourself, waiting and waiting for something that might not ever happen. And then you realise 40 years have past and you're still not happy and maybe in a relationship that isn't going anywhere, but you're scared that if you end it, you won't have someone there who can make you feel worthy and loved, even if it is returned. I know it's not as easy as i'm making it out to be, there are reasons why some people are scared to show how they really feel, i should know, i only manage to say how i feel in a text or email, but at least i say it, whether it's with my own voice or not.

Just follow your heart and when you look back you'll have less regrets because at the time that choice you made was honest and was what you wanted at the time and that's all you can do.